Mercy for Moms

I've been thinking alot lately about the ever-present dichotomies inherent in being a mom, the desire to protect vs. the desire to foster independence, the need to trust vs. the tendency to worry. How, at the end of the day, more often than not, I feel that I've failed my children somehow, that I have not given them enough time or enough of myself, that I have not provided for them something which I thought they needed or deserved. And how do I manage, on a daily basis, when, as a mom, I take so much responsibility on myself...when so much of motherhood is really out of my hands and out of my control? Therein lies the root of the problem, doesn't it?

The struggle welled up in me again yesterday when I was reading the story of baby Moses to my daughter, Brynnley. Normally, we read about that story and concentrate on God's plan in saving Moses. Not only did He save that precious baby during a time when the Hebrew people were, once again, experiencing tremendous suffering at the hand of Pharaoh but, through Moses, He also provided a way to one day save the people themselves. How merciful and miraculous!

No one ever thinks about his mom. Did she ever question God's plan when He led her, somehow, to craft a basket, place her baby in it, and send him off, alone, into the Egyptian waters? Did she experience a moment of fear and anxiety and doubt when she considered how the basket could drift away or turn over and her baby could drown. Or, it could be found by someone not sympathetic to their plight! Even if found by a compassionate Egyptian, he would be adopted into a family that did not share their beliefs or values. How could she still hope that he would grow to be the man she once desired he would be, in spite of all that? What faith and trust she must have had, faith in a God who provides for those He loves over and over again and who always accomplishes His purposes in spite of, or even through, the people who stand in the way.

What about Sarah? Did Abraham tell her God had directed him to take Isaac to the mountain and sacrifice him? Did he tell her, "I am going to be obedient to God, so go say good-bye to your son?" What was her response? And, if she knew, how hard was it to trust that God knew best, in spite of all appearances to the contrary, and willingly let him go?

The Bible contains many passages on marriage and relationships, even on parenting and discipline, but it contains very little explicit direction for mothering. Why is that? Mothering is so hard! And I know, personally, that mothers are so hard on themselves. We are far less gracious with ourselves than God is with us. Why so little direction and encouragement? Yet, if you think about it, God does give us something to hold on to. He gives us examples. He gives us examples of Moms who MUST have struggled, who were not perfect, and yet, who trusted the Lord, or at least, held tightly and fiercely to the belief that God would HELP them to trust and to let go when it was required of them, because God is a God who promises to work all things out for His glory and for our good.

Consider Hannah. She begged and pleaded for a child. Any mother will attest to how life-altering it is when you become a mom. You would do anything and be anything for that child. Hopes and desires for them begin before they are even born. Yet Hannah promised to give her son away for His service, if God would only bless her with the gift of raising him for the briefest of times. She thought she could handle that, that that short time with him would be enough. Did she ever waiver when the appointed time came for her to take Samuel to the priest? Did she wonder if she had done the right thing, if she had made a promise based not on trust in a good God but in desperation? Which one of us has not had a desperate moment as a Mom?

In those desperate moments, do we still hold on to our faith? Do we question the way God answers those prayers for our children? I had a miscarriage many years ago, before the birth of my oldest child, and I remember it to be devastating. I have seen a child endure stitches, go through surgery, endure sicknesses and pain, frustration and sadness and rejection...but I haven't experienced the same kind of losses those women faced. I haven't said good-bye to a child, as Hannah did, and relinquished them from my care, dependent on God to be thier provider and caretaker. I haven't faced the impending death of a child, like Moses' mother or Sarah. But I hope I would respond in faith as they did. When I start to worry over all the things that COULD happen, I try to pray, "Lord, help me to recieve what you give, lack what you withhold, and relinquish what you take." Even then, sometimes I fail and my trust waivers...

Then I remember Rebekah. She made some monumental mistakes as a parent. She showed blatant favoritism for one son over the other, and then she encouraged Jacob to lie and deceive in order to gain the rightful inheritance and blessing of another. She did not trust that God would or could bring about His plan in some other, better way. Certainly, that was God's sovereign plan for the situation, and He used even Rebekah's failures to bring about His purposes for Jacob.

What comfort that is! To know that even at my worst moments as a parent, God can and will raise my children up to follow the path He has laid out for them. It is far better for me to be like Moses' mother, to trust and have faith as my children go down that path. But even on the days when I fail miserably, like Rebekah, God is not taken by surprise or thrown off track. My children are still in His hand and on the course He has chosen for them. I can have faith that, as the psalmist says in Psalm 139, "All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be!" That means, not only the length of their lives are predetermined by God, but also every trial, event and circumstance of every day that they live is within God's scope and loving care. All ordained for their good. All have a purpose. Every scrape, every tear, every smile, every laugh, every trial, every illness, every heartbreak, every frustration, every triumph, every joy...

Thinking back to a day last summer brings it home for me. I had been consistently sharing the gospel with Declan before and after times of discipline, reminding him of the great grace of God in sending Jesus to die for us and that, because of that, we don't have to be slaves to our sin. One day, shortly after we had moved, on a particularly busy and hectic day, he came to me, seemingly out of the blue, and told me that he had just prayed to ask Jesus to come into his heart and forgive all his sins! I wish I could say that I celebrated and threw a party and treated that day as the pivotal moment that it was...but I didn't. I have regretted it since. I have asked him about it, to gauge his understanding of the event, and he patiently and matter-of-factly replies, as suits his personality, "I know Mom, I already did that!" Maybe I am holding onto that moment and feeling guilty and anxious over it because I had so little to do with it! I would like to think that God graciously used some of my words to direct Declan and guide his heart, but really, it could have been any number of other influences, and it all came down to the working of the Holy Spirit in the end. I didn't lead the prayer; I wasn't part of it at all!

Maybe it is better this way. Hopefully he will grow in grace and understanding and knowing and loving Jesus will become such a part of his daily life that he will never remember it any other way, it will just be part of who he is rather than a date or an experience or just words. The point is, God did it. I didn't. He didn't need me to accomplish what He purposed for my son. Maybe he used me, and I am blessed and honored every day for the privilege of each moment with my children, even the worst ones!, but He's going to accomplish His will in spite of my shortfalls and without my "perfection;" He blesses the faithful and is merciful to us when our faith is weak.

God is so good, and I am still learning these lessons. I have an inkling I'll be learning them every day for the rest of my life and my children's lives. How is it that someone once put it? "Letting go and letting God." I can worry about putting food on the table and keeping them safe from harm and making sure they have the right friends and teaching them good morals and right behavior...but the God who loved us enough to send His son to die, while we were sinners!, also loves us enough to have a hand in all of those "smaller" things, which He knows we need, as well. Just this week I was thinking, with concern, that one of my sons didn't have enough long-sleeved winter shirts, and I was considering when I would find the time to search for some affordable options. The next day I was completely humbled as I dug through a bag of clothes passed along to us by my husband's boss. It was full of shirts and sweatshirts in exactly the right sizes for both of my oldest boys.

Why should I worry? God is in control of the trials that seem insurmountable as well as the smallest challenges of every day life. Praise the Lord that I don't have to do it all. What mercy for Moms, like me, to hold on to that!