Night Terror

I've been through the baby stage six times now, and my kids are all great sleepers. I don't run to them every time they fuss in the night. More often than not, they fall back to sleep without difficulty. But my little Renn has been having a rough week. For reasons I was unable to pinpoint, he started waking up multiple times throughout the night, crying uncontrollably. This crying, this has been different. It sounds, desperate. It sounds, not normal. But when my husband or I try to soothe him, he is almost inconsolable. It's been exhausting and frustrating.

I've gone through every explanation I can think of. Congestion? Sinus pressure? Ear ache? Headache? In an effort to rule out anything that might be causing actual pain and require medication, we went to the doctor yesterday. I was anxious. My gut told me this wasn't going to be a physiological thing, something medically treatable. But, in order to be thorough, we went anyway.

The doctor pronounced him a perfectly healthy baby. So...the problem is more than likely behavioral. The doctor suggested that Renn was either experiencing some very intense separation anxiety or experiencing night terrors. Just the sound of that was scary.

I went home and researched it. That's what I do. I get information so I can get a handle on the situation, regain some control. Unfortunately, though children usually outgrow night terrors by adolescence, there is no real treatment for them. They just...happen. This, this is terrifying to me.

I don't have many dreams myself, but when I do, the scariest ones are about losing my husband or children. Some harm befalling them. The scary thing about the possibility of night terrors? Not necessarily the thing itself, but the fact that something could happen to my child that I could do absolutely nothing about. Couldn't prevent. Couldn't help. Couldn't treat. Couldn't control.

I realized how little I understand about life with less-than-normally-healthy children. Nothing. Perhaps I could offer encouragement or sympathy to someone in that position. But empathy? No. What do I know about a child being afflicted with something that you can do nothing about? I know so many who walk that hard road on a daily basis, and I am in awe of them. I cannot even pretend to know what their days, and dreams, are like.

But don't I know that God is sovereign in all our situations? Mine and theirs. That nothing is outside of His control. That He gives grace that is all-sufficient for every circumstance. I know this, and yet I fear to be tested in it.

We kept him in our room last night, not only so that his cries would not wake any siblings, but also so that we could observe him and get a better grip on the potential problem. After listening to his sleep pattern, his noises, his rolling around and his eventual cries, I think it's possible that he's experiencing an extreme separation anxiety rather than a traditional night terror. He seems to work himself up to the desperate cries after coming to the realization of his solitude rather than suddenly erupting in outbursts of screams and cries.

I can't help but feel relieved. To have an idea of what he's going through AND know that it's something we can work through. It's a blessing. I feel a little ashamed of my relief. Why should we receive such a blessing when many others don't? I don't know. But I'm thankful! I'm thankful for the knowledge that no matter what, my children are in the Lord's hands. He has ordained ALL their days. Some day, one of them will face something that is completely out of my hands...and I'm praying that won't be the terrifying day it could be, because I've already surrendered them to His.