Mercy for Moms

I've been thinking alot lately about the ever-present dichotomies inherent in being a mom, the desire to protect vs. the desire to foster independence, the need to trust vs. the tendency to worry. How, at the end of the day, more often than not, I feel that I've failed my children somehow, that I have not given them enough time or enough of myself, that I have not provided for them something which I thought they needed or deserved. And how do I manage, on a daily basis, when, as a mom, I take so much responsibility on myself...when so much of motherhood is really out of my hands and out of my control? Therein lies the root of the problem, doesn't it?

The struggle welled up in me again yesterday when I was reading the story of baby Moses to my daughter, Brynnley. Normally, we read about that story and concentrate on God's plan in saving Moses. Not only did He save that precious baby during a time when the Hebrew people were, once again, experiencing tremendous suffering at the hand of Pharaoh but, through Moses, He also provided a way to one day save the people themselves. How merciful and miraculous!

No one ever thinks about his mom. Did she ever question God's plan when He led her, somehow, to craft a basket, place her baby in it, and send him off, alone, into the Egyptian waters? Did she experience a moment of fear and anxiety and doubt when she considered how the basket could drift away or turn over and her baby could drown. Or, it could be found by someone not sympathetic to their plight! Even if found by a compassionate Egyptian, he would be adopted into a family that did not share their beliefs or values. How could she still hope that he would grow to be the man she once desired he would be, in spite of all that? What faith and trust she must have had, faith in a God who provides for those He loves over and over again and who always accomplishes His purposes in spite of, or even through, the people who stand in the way.

What about Sarah? Did Abraham tell her God had directed him to take Isaac to the mountain and sacrifice him? Did he tell her, "I am going to be obedient to God, so go say good-bye to your son?" What was her response? And, if she knew, how hard was it to trust that God knew best, in spite of all appearances to the contrary, and willingly let him go?

The Bible contains many passages on marriage and relationships, even on parenting and discipline, but it contains very little explicit direction for mothering. Why is that? Mothering is so hard! And I know, personally, that mothers are so hard on themselves. We are far less gracious with ourselves than God is with us. Why so little direction and encouragement? Yet, if you think about it, God does give us something to hold on to. He gives us examples. He gives us examples of Moms who MUST have struggled, who were not perfect, and yet, who trusted the Lord, or at least, held tightly and fiercely to the belief that God would HELP them to trust and to let go when it was required of them, because God is a God who promises to work all things out for His glory and for our good.

Consider Hannah. She begged and pleaded for a child. Any mother will attest to how life-altering it is when you become a mom. You would do anything and be anything for that child. Hopes and desires for them begin before they are even born. Yet Hannah promised to give her son away for His service, if God would only bless her with the gift of raising him for the briefest of times. She thought she could handle that, that that short time with him would be enough. Did she ever waiver when the appointed time came for her to take Samuel to the priest? Did she wonder if she had done the right thing, if she had made a promise based not on trust in a good God but in desperation? Which one of us has not had a desperate moment as a Mom?

In those desperate moments, do we still hold on to our faith? Do we question the way God answers those prayers for our children? I had a miscarriage many years ago, before the birth of my oldest child, and I remember it to be devastating. I have seen a child endure stitches, go through surgery, endure sicknesses and pain, frustration and sadness and rejection...but I haven't experienced the same kind of losses those women faced. I haven't said good-bye to a child, as Hannah did, and relinquished them from my care, dependent on God to be thier provider and caretaker. I haven't faced the impending death of a child, like Moses' mother or Sarah. But I hope I would respond in faith as they did. When I start to worry over all the things that COULD happen, I try to pray, "Lord, help me to recieve what you give, lack what you withhold, and relinquish what you take." Even then, sometimes I fail and my trust waivers...

Then I remember Rebekah. She made some monumental mistakes as a parent. She showed blatant favoritism for one son over the other, and then she encouraged Jacob to lie and deceive in order to gain the rightful inheritance and blessing of another. She did not trust that God would or could bring about His plan in some other, better way. Certainly, that was God's sovereign plan for the situation, and He used even Rebekah's failures to bring about His purposes for Jacob.

What comfort that is! To know that even at my worst moments as a parent, God can and will raise my children up to follow the path He has laid out for them. It is far better for me to be like Moses' mother, to trust and have faith as my children go down that path. But even on the days when I fail miserably, like Rebekah, God is not taken by surprise or thrown off track. My children are still in His hand and on the course He has chosen for them. I can have faith that, as the psalmist says in Psalm 139, "All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be!" That means, not only the length of their lives are predetermined by God, but also every trial, event and circumstance of every day that they live is within God's scope and loving care. All ordained for their good. All have a purpose. Every scrape, every tear, every smile, every laugh, every trial, every illness, every heartbreak, every frustration, every triumph, every joy...

Thinking back to a day last summer brings it home for me. I had been consistently sharing the gospel with Declan before and after times of discipline, reminding him of the great grace of God in sending Jesus to die for us and that, because of that, we don't have to be slaves to our sin. One day, shortly after we had moved, on a particularly busy and hectic day, he came to me, seemingly out of the blue, and told me that he had just prayed to ask Jesus to come into his heart and forgive all his sins! I wish I could say that I celebrated and threw a party and treated that day as the pivotal moment that it was...but I didn't. I have regretted it since. I have asked him about it, to gauge his understanding of the event, and he patiently and matter-of-factly replies, as suits his personality, "I know Mom, I already did that!" Maybe I am holding onto that moment and feeling guilty and anxious over it because I had so little to do with it! I would like to think that God graciously used some of my words to direct Declan and guide his heart, but really, it could have been any number of other influences, and it all came down to the working of the Holy Spirit in the end. I didn't lead the prayer; I wasn't part of it at all!

Maybe it is better this way. Hopefully he will grow in grace and understanding and knowing and loving Jesus will become such a part of his daily life that he will never remember it any other way, it will just be part of who he is rather than a date or an experience or just words. The point is, God did it. I didn't. He didn't need me to accomplish what He purposed for my son. Maybe he used me, and I am blessed and honored every day for the privilege of each moment with my children, even the worst ones!, but He's going to accomplish His will in spite of my shortfalls and without my "perfection;" He blesses the faithful and is merciful to us when our faith is weak.

God is so good, and I am still learning these lessons. I have an inkling I'll be learning them every day for the rest of my life and my children's lives. How is it that someone once put it? "Letting go and letting God." I can worry about putting food on the table and keeping them safe from harm and making sure they have the right friends and teaching them good morals and right behavior...but the God who loved us enough to send His son to die, while we were sinners!, also loves us enough to have a hand in all of those "smaller" things, which He knows we need, as well. Just this week I was thinking, with concern, that one of my sons didn't have enough long-sleeved winter shirts, and I was considering when I would find the time to search for some affordable options. The next day I was completely humbled as I dug through a bag of clothes passed along to us by my husband's boss. It was full of shirts and sweatshirts in exactly the right sizes for both of my oldest boys.

Why should I worry? God is in control of the trials that seem insurmountable as well as the smallest challenges of every day life. Praise the Lord that I don't have to do it all. What mercy for Moms, like me, to hold on to that!

The Gifts that Keep on Giving?

My two year old comes looking for me, because he has something he wants to give me. I'm thinking, "Oh, how sweet! This is going to make my morning!" What does he have for me? A booger. Yes. Specially selected for me, I'm sure. And one of a kind. But, still, a booger.

Anyway, it got me thinking about all the gifts I gave to my parents as a child, and how I feel really badly about some of them. Almost mortified. Ought to apologize, actually. I specifically remember the first Christmas I had saved enough pocket change to buy something for each member of the family all by myself. I chose all the items from one store (why not go for convenience and efficiency?). How I selected the store, I can't recall. It probably had the most colorful flier on Sunday or the most sales (way to go advertising department!). But whatever my motivation, I remember being super excited as I planned out my purchases, and we headed off to Michael's (yes, Michael's, of all places. I guess Walmart had yet to assert it's dominance...)

I don't remember what I purchased for my sisters. They probably didn't even pretend to like the stuff, and it's long since been tossed. =) But I do remember all the things I made for my mother. I bought a small undecorated wooden wreath and tied bells to it with green string. It was too small to hang anywhere but a doorknob. I have no idea what I thought she was going to do with it! If that weren't enough, I also made her an ornament. I made a green paper cup into a bell by running string through the bottom and attaching a collection of staples inside. (Her favorite color is green, you see.) It did NOT actually jingle. Finally, I made her a mixed tape. Oh, not just any mixed tape. A recording of myself, singing all the songs I knew...and many that I didn't. Where I knew the words but not the melody, I made it up. It's really horrifying to think about it.

And what do you do with gifts like that? I'm sure she accepted them with inordinate graciousness. Is that part of some unspoken "Mom code?" Do I really have to accept dead bugs, even when presented by children with bright shining eyes? (Let me go ahead and answer that rhetorical question for you. No, no I do not.) Do I have to keep EVERY paper ever scribbled on "just for me?" There's got to be a compromise, because I have one child who is, at best, destined to become a pack rat and, at worst, demonstrating tendencies of a hoarder! He would claim every bit of free wall space in the house if there were enough sticky tack on earth, and that which I don't display is kept in a box that becomes fuller by the day!

I guess it comes down to what you value and why. Some things are valuable because of what they are. It's intrinsic. Some things are valuable because of WHO gives them. It's transferred. It's sentimental. I can't promise I'll keep every piece of paper. It's just inconceivable. (Anybody want a peanut?) But I can understand how something seemingly worthless to almost everyone else, might become priceless to me, simply because it was given by someone I love...who loves me too.

But not boogers. Never boogers.

Raising Little Men

When I first found out that Declan (my oldest) was a boy, I was pretty overwhelmed. Coming from a family of girls, I really had no idea what to expect, and what I'd heard from my husband about his experiences with his brother only left me feeling all the more unprepared! Tales of pranks and resulting broken arms, fireworks, fireballs (yes, engulfing flame), decimated hot wheel collections, fighting with golf clubs...(and the list goes on and on). I had no idea how to raise a boy, and now I've been blessed with three! And if that weren't enough, considering how to raise a boy to be a strong young man: firm but gentle, determined but humble, protective but kind, assertive but wise...

These issues come up early. The simple "don't hit your brother" statement turns into a discussion about how to treat others and how to properly stand up for yourself without being hurtful or vindictive. Boys are naturally aggressive, I think. Most people would think it's just fine to hand them each a pair of boxing gloves or pugile sticks and pull up a chair for the show. But, the task is to guide those natural tendencies so that when they are angry, they are not overwhelmed. When they are frustrated, they don't act out in ways that are harmful. That, oh horror, they CAN use words to express themselves (carefully chosen words, at that) and that it's not a cop out to do so. God says "vengeance is mine," and He means it. God tells us, "so long as it depends upon YOU, live at peace with one another."

But, oh, sometimes it's so hard to get that message across! And when do you just let them have fun?! When is it good to just get out that boyish energy? Wack a tree or something. Wrestling free for all anyone? So long as it is playful and not intentionally hurtful? Sometimes when boys play it seems they artfully dance around that line (yes, dance, and probably the only time they'll enjoy it!). Especially now that they have been introduced to Lord of the Rings and Star Wars, they have become intensely interested in weapons, attacks, strategy and fighting. On the one hand, I know it's natural and also a good thing, and sometimes their antics do just make me laugh!

Declan has become very interested in sword fighting, and a number of our recent conversations have revolved around it. The other day he and Mike talked about war. Declan, very seriously, said, "Dad, if I had to go to war, I'd probably be the first to die, because I'm so young." Mike replied, "Well, Declan, they train you before you go to war. Besides, in our country, you have to be older before you are allowed to fight." Declan's response? "Well, they wouldn't have to train me TOO much, because I'm already good at sword fighting." (Apparently Mike neglected to inform Declan that sword fighting is not so much a part of modern warfare. If he had, I would surely have met with a disappointed little boy that afternoon!)

Instead, it came up again yesterday. As we were traveling home from school, Declan saw a dachshund, very similar in appearance to Peanut, in some one's yard. He very worriedly wondered aloud whether bandits might possibly have broken into our house and stolen her! I told him it was very unlikely, and then he confidently assured me, "Well, if we ever DO run into bandits, it's OK, because I'm good at sword fighting." I was pretty amused until he started deconstructing the battle that would ensue, which involved incapacitation using a heavy object and then decapitation...which brought me back to my original worry. He was using his imagination but, nevertheless, I felt the need to throw in a little disclaimer that we shouldn't physically hurt someone else unless it was absolutely necessary for self defense. We should always walk away when possible. With exasperation at my over-seriousness, he replied, "But Mom, they're BANDITS!"

Ah well, for every conversation where I feel like I just don't know how to say the right thing (Lord, grant me wisdom!!), there is usually a situation that makes me laugh! For instance, the other night the boys were in the bathroom together, and they both ran out, Declan yelling, "Keller peed on me!!!" When I asked what happened, Declan replied, "He was using his pee as a light saber!" And those are the moments of levity (because I could NOT help laughing out loud) that remind me of how much fun little boys are. And, while I will always be mindful of the fact that I have the awesome responsibility of helping them grow into men, for now I can also take every opportunity to enjoy the moments where they are just my precious little boys!

Summer Recipes

I got to try out some new recipes this summer, as I searched for ways to incorporate our garden harvest into our meals. Here are some examples:

How to Cook a Pumpkin:

(Apparently, all pumpkins are edible, some just taste better than others due to texture. If you want to try cooking your own, you can research which are the best to buy or just use whatever you have and see how it tastes. Ours turned out great!)

1) Cut the pumpkin in half, and scoop out the seeds and pulp.
2) Place flesh side down into a baking dish or pan, and surround with water up to 1/2 inch depth.
3) Bake at 450 degrees for 45-60 minutes, until you can easily pierce the skin with a fork.
4) Scoop out the cooked flesh, and puree in a blender or food processor. Refrigerate puree or freeze for later use!

Crustless Pumpkin Pie:

1 cup brown sugar
1 tsp cinnamon
1 1/2 cups cooked pumpkin
1/8 tsp nutmeg
1/2 tsp salt
1 tsp ginger
1/8 tsp cloves
1/2 tsp vanilla
2 eggs
1 1/2 cups milk
1 tbsp cornstarch

1) Mix sugar, ginger, nutmeg, cloves, cinnamon and salt.
2) Add pumpkin and vanilla and mix thoroughly.
3) Separately, beat eggs, then add to the mixture.
4) Add milk and cornstarch and mix.
5) Pour into a greased dish, with or without pastry shell.
6) Sprinkle nutmeg on top.

Bake at 400 degrees for 10 minutes. Reduce heat to 350 or 325 according to your oven for about 45 minutes. Knife in the center should come out clean.

Chocolate Pumpkin Cake:

1 pkg chocolate cake mix
2 cups cooked pumpkin
2 eggs
2 tbsp vegetable oil (or applesauce)
1 container of cream cheese frosting

In large bowl combine the cake mix, pumpkin, egg and oil at medium speed. Pour into a greased 13X9 in dish and spread evenly. Bake at 350 degrees for 35-40 minutes. Let cool, then top with frosting!

Homemade Calzones:

(A fun and YUMMY way to use our garden tomatoes!)

1 pkg thin crust refrigerated pizza dough
1/2 lb cooked ground beef
diced tomatoes
shredded mozzarella cheese
Italian seasoning to taste

1) Spread thin crust dough over a baking sheet as if preparing rectangular pizza, and cut into 6 smaller rectangular pieces of dough. (Cut once down the middle, short-ways. Then cut three times the length of the dough, long-ways.)
2) Evenly distribute ground beef amongst 6 pieces of dough. Spoon ground beef onto one end of the dough piece (Not in the middle. Dough will be folded over later.)
3) Top with shredded cheese and freshly diced tomatoes. Sprinkle with Italian seasoning.
4) Fold dough over and use fingers to press top and bottom pieces of dough to seal.

Bake at 425 degrees for 10 minutes. Makes 6 personal-sized calzones!

Vegetable Beef Soup:

(I usually brown 1 lb of ground beef at a time, so this dish is a perfect follow-up to the Calzones later in the week, as it uses 1/2 lb ground beef.)

1 can diced Italian-styled tomatoes
1 can creamed corn
1 can Veg-all mixed vegetables, drained
1 can beef broth
1/2 lb cooked ground beef

Combine all ingredients and simmer on the stove until heated through! About 6 servings.

Our Golden Summer

I don't have much of an excuse for taking such an extended blog hiatus, except that with all the busyness that comes from having so many people in one household, I was, well, busy! We weren't really busy in the traditionally understood sense that you would associate with summer. The kids didn't attend any camps. We didn't take any exotic vacations to Yellowstone or the Grand Canyon or even the beach.

Not that we holed up in our house like hermits. We went to Discovery Place a few times which, with it's revamped exhibits, was a big hit with the kids. We went to the pool more times than any other year in my oldest child's existence put together! And, thankfully, while we don't have any swimmers yet, they at least became comfortable with the water and enjoyed playing in it. HUGE progress. Declan and Keller went fishing for the first time (thanks Uncle Casey!) and even caught one or two!

I got to squeeze in two viewings of the Twilight Saga: Eclipse, and I unashamedly wore my Team Edward apparel at the first. I suppose I can't say for certain those feelings were shared by those who attended with me. Perhaps that's why my sisters MET us there and didn't join us until we were already seated in the dark theater. Hmmm...I have to give big points to my husband Mike, though, for seeing the movie BOTH times (when I think he REALLY wanted to see Clash of the Titans in 3D instead) and for listening to the soundtrack all summer whenever we've been in the car together. (I tried to demonstrate my appreciation by renting CoT for him on it's first day in video...)

We also worked in the garden. (Ok, by "we" I mean Mike and the kids. I did other helpful stuff, like clean and cook the harvest.) They picked all kinds of yummy bounty, salad tomatoes, cucumbers, blackberries, raspberries, pumpkins and string beans! The yield DID have some particularly delicious results, as I learned to cook pumpkin, using the puree to make breads, pies and cakes! It was definitely better than anything from the can, and we even had enough berries for a cobbler!

We also occupied our days with some of the less thrilling parts of family life, like potty-training McCrea, which meant, unfortunately for the rest of the kids, that we did spend a couple weeks virtually home bound. They probably FELT like hermits towards the end! Baby Kennedy is now almost six months and has quickly become a pro with solids and spoon, already up to two full feedings of cereal a day!

AND we adopted a dog this month! She's a short-haired black and tan miniature dachshund, about the same age as Kennedy, named Peanut. She has fit right into the family and is getting along with the kids great! Just yesterday she was barking on the porch, and Keller suggested, "Maybe she wants to play with a shovel?" (He really meant it in the nicest way!) She sleeps through the night (which is fantastic, because I really didn't need another "baby" right now.) =) However, she is NOT completely house-trained, so some days I feel a bit like a stalker as I follow her around the house. My "training" days did not end with the close of summer...

Of all the events, big and small, that characterized our summer, I have a feeling the thing my children will most fondly remember when they look back upon this time years from now...was their introduction to...STAR WARS. It is a phenomenon that I cannot understand, and yet, they love it. Some of the funniest quotes of the summer have come from my mesmerized children as they have watched these movies for the first time. From Keller alone, we heard such gems as "Is Chewie a bear?" (Yes. Yes, he is.), "Will Luke regrow his hand?" (One can only hope.) and "Look, it's baby Yoda!" (No, he's just always that small.) Brynnley wants to be Princess Leia, and Declan always pretends to be Darth Vader in their reenactments. (Yes, there are reenactments!) I have tried to reason with them that Darth Vader is ACTUALLY the bad guy, but my rationale cannot trump the apparent "coolness" of the guy in the big black iron lung. (Who doesn't love that helmet, right?) At first, it seemed we might have a fight on our hands as both Declan AND Keller wanted to be Darth Vader for Halloween. I was prepared to point out that you cannot have two Sith apprentices at the same time. (It's ridiculous the kind of tidbits I've picked up in spite of my best efforts to ignore the whole production.) I was fully aware this may result in a duel, but lately Keller has taken to portraying Han Solo during their outdoor expeditions. Problem solved, perhaps? (I don't blame either of them though, both Vader and Han are better than Luke.) Last, unbeknownst to him, they have decreed that McCrea is R2D2, and I think he can pull it off.

So our summer has been filled with light saber fights and ridiculously intricate questions about the motivations of Emperor Palpatine and the physics behind the Jedi feats, to which my husband generally ends up replying, "It's the Force!" They constantly hum the Emperial March, in and out of unison. Even their Lego creations are Walkers and Robots rather than good old cars and buildings! All in all, it was a good summer. Nothing openly special about it. But, to them, I'm sure, it will be remembered that way. It will be their Golden summer. =)

Summer Fun?

When you're a kid, you always look forward to summer. It's a hallowed time. It feels like you can spend your time as you wish...it feels free. It seems like there are exciting, new things just around the corner. Even if you had nothing better to do than lounge around all day, it was great, because you COULD. I'm wondering when I lost that feeling? I'm starting to think that is probably NOT how my mother felt about it...because I'm dreading it.

We are a full week away from summer break, and I already feel the weighty oppression of time and expectation. It's not yet 8 am, and I already have whiny, bored children hanging off of me. Since when did "Entertainer of the Year" become part of my job description? What will happen when we add two more children to the mix when school officially ends? We have a few weekend visits planned, but no grand vacations to look forward to...

I'm not looking forward to the complaining when the grandeur of summer freedom fades, and they suddenly discover boredom. I don't have a plan or strategy in place to combat this formidable foe! I must either come up with something creative soon or accept the eventual annihilation of our playroom...or more likely, our home, as the disbursement of toys throughout the house creates a great black hole of chaos from which we may never recover! I'm tired just thinking about it. Preventing the impending self destruction could take all the hours in the day...and that doesn't include the seemingly too-few hours I spend with each child. How to do what is needed as well as, when possible, what is wanted? Lord, grant me patience, or I'm going to be the first one sucked in!

Truisms of Parenting

1. Your child will be independent as long as it serves their purpose...and helpless otherwise.

2. No matter how quietly you sneak a "treat," they will hear you and come running.

3. Someone will always dislike something about dinner. Yes, even if it's pizza.

4. Someone will need to potty AFTER you have left the house, gotten in the car, loaded the grocery cart...you get the picture.

5. Discipline is funny, until you are the object of it.

6. Their eyes ARE generally bigger than their stomachs.

7. It's never fair.

8. They WILL get dirty, no matter how hard you try to keep them clean, but especially if they are wearing something special or dry clean only.

9. If you leave diapers, wipes or a change of clothes at home...you'll wish you hadn't!

10. If you say, "Don't touch that!"...someone will.

11. Dad is WAY cooler than Mom in pretty much every situation.

12. Whoever thought markers and paints ought to be restricted to paper was obviously a very limited thinker.

13. Sharp things are the objects of GREAT interest.

14. So is fire.

15. They "know" things. And they think they're right, even when presented with indisputable contradictory evidence!