Day 5-Evident to All

I stand in the kitchen and stare at the counter. No boys' lunchboxes deposited where they should be, waiting to receive food for the day. I sigh and think instead of the happiness of reaching for my husband in the early hours and finding him ready to hold me close, my first gift of the day.

For the most part, the mornings have been manageable this week. Sure, there are moments. The spills. The tantrums. The lamp knocked over again. The screaming, fighting siblings. The whining and pouting. The poop or spit up everywhere. Stop, you're into something you shouldn't be! I clean up one thing and turn around, MORE mess! I put out one fire and another springs up...but it takes one look at my baby to bring me back. I cannot help but offer thanks for the miracle of his presence. Then I look around, and I cannot help but see God's gifts there too. Then I see the beautiful smile on my toddler's face. I usually miss it as I cringe in frustration, extricating her from yet another curiosity gone wrong. I see my son's enthusiastic face as he happily entertains himself. I hear my daughter's happy voice as she hums along to another melody she's heard recently. I look out the window and see His creation. I see God's gifts everywhere, and they bring me back.

The afternoons, they're harder. The afternoon brings my older sons and husband home. All people whom I love SO MUCH...bringing compounded noise and energy. They collide with the fragile equilibrium over which I pretend to preside. I am tired, and there are more people for the same eyes and hands to contend with, which yields MORE mess, noise and conflict! In the midst of this and the aftermath of this, Philippians 4:5 comes back to me. "Let your gentleness be evident to all."

I haven't told my husband or my children about my list of thanksgiving. Because, I wonder if this thankfulness I am learning to cultivate in my heart through the continual prompting of the Spirit will not only draw me closer to the Lord but also bring about the bearing of all those other fruits which would be evident in my speech and actions without my ever having to explain myself. Evident to all.

Will my speech be more gentle, slow to anger, less defensive? Will my discipline be characterized by more patience and self-control? Will my husband notice that as I am filled with more gratitude, I complain less, that I see opportunities to be thankful where I would not have before? Will my every act as mother and wife and friend be filled with more genuine kindness and love? Will I have a deeper faith that grows both inwardly and outwardly?

I wonder if they will see it, if others will see it, the peace that I'm coming to feel when I am tempted, yet again, to lash out in another act of sinfulness. When my world, my world that I love, all comes clashing together, will they see that the Lord is my calm in the storm? I am thankful for all of the gifts He gives me in the morning AND in the evening, in the sunshine and in the rain. He is the one who calms the seas! He is sovereign over all this and more, every moment of my day. I am thankful for it, I search for it, and I desire that that thanks would be evident.

101) the middle-of-the-night hug, reached for and found in the darkness
102) the comforting softness of my memory foam mattress against me
103) the uninterrupted night's sleep
104) the too-long sleeves hanging down over my son's hands
105) the "Ta-Da!" issued triumphantly from my son's mouth as he buttons his own coat
106) the dark, gray clouds heavy with rain
107) the mist on my face, water condensed in air
108) the reading of a child's favorite book, with sound effects!
109) the abundance of food in my cupboards on the day when there usually isn't
110) the curtains glowing through with the light behind them
111) the sweet good-bye kiss from my daughter before she enters her classroom
112) the feet that dance
113) the conviction of the Holy Spirit
114) the sunshine pouring bright and golden over the grass as the clouds roll away
115) the greenish design on my Starry Midnight stoneware that hints of Celtic origins
116) the water running diagonally down the grooves in my griddle like so many rushing streams
117) the small hand of my daughter holding mine as she sits next to me while I feed her baby brother
118) the black and tan puppy head cocked inquisitively to the side
119) the couch pillows supporting my back while I nurse
120) the way my son remembered to remove his dirty shoes before running through the house
121) the smokey smell of the blazing fire pit seeping into the house
122) the flickering of orange flame fast engulfing a kindling tripod
123) the red-hot embers dancing away on the wind
124) the white-black crackle of charring bark
125) the old hard-cover, carry-on luggage that my toddler daughter moves back and forth across the kitchen as a stool, following my every move, so as to get the closest view of each stage in dinner's preparation