Day 6-The Time Turner

On Wednesday I took a few minutes of quiet to sit on the couch and snuggle with my baby. Normally, I would systematically and efficiently take care of business, the feeding, the diaper, putting him down to play and moving on to the first of many to-dos of the day. I don't have time to do it any other way.

Time. A big don't-have. I often joke to Mike that I need a time turner like Hermione Granger. On that day, I stopped. Made that moment deliberate. Searched for the goodness of God in it.

I slowed down and wrote about those moments. Then I spied the clock. Where had the time gone? Fifteen minutes until I walked the two to school and none were dressed! Rushing, rushing. Five minutes and two were still naked! We made it, down to the minute, but I herded them out the door still in my sleep pants, the lilac ones covered in a rainbow of butterflies. They didn't remotely pass for regular clothes. I felt the push. I gave up time on one thing for time on another, and it didn't feel like enough!

Later I took my toddler in my room and let her help me with my bed. A simple act but so against the grain. It took twice as long, not a "good" use of time. Usually, I would hurry to work around her, not work with her. But I did it, and she was delighted. We approached the pile of laundry together. She put on a pair of her brother's underwear, and we laughed. I even took a picture! One pair of pants folded, then she saw sparkling sunlight on the wall, refracted through our window in a beautiful way I'd never noticed before. She ran to it, wanting to touch it, so we did.

To my surprise, I checked the clock and discovered that the morning's time had flown by but, instead of feeling anxiety over the many things still left undone, I felt unfazed. I was baffled. I had done less than expected, but I felt as though I had accomplished more! What an amazing paradox! Seeing God's gifts to me takes time. It requires deliberate attention. Thankfulness is learned and cannot be rushed. It does not fit into a schedule. It does not fit neatly into a box. Contentment thrives where God's gifts in time are appreciated.

Then that afternoon began to slip away, back, back into the normal routine of busyness. I looked at the clock. I had just enough time between a feeding and a nap to finish the dishes. I scrubbed and rinsed. Only halfway done and I poked my head out of the kitchen to see if the baby appeared happy, entertaining himself. I was smote with guilt.

My husband always tells me, spend time with our children. THAT is your job. I love that he says this, and I believe he is genuine. But, I always think to myself, when will the things that NEED to be done, get done? After bedtime? Tomorrow?! We need clean dishes to eat on, clean clothes to wear, food to eat. It all has to be done some time! There never seems to be enough for everything, to accomplish the "urgent" and the "necessary." I separate the two because, I am realizing, the necessary and the urgent are rarely the same.

I talked myself into leaving the dishes half done. I began to leave the kitchen and spied the leaves accumulating under the cupboards, evidence of Tuesday's outdoor adventures. I grabbed the broom. This I could do quickly. I had time...I gave in and swept. I wished that I would not, even as I did it. Finally, I went out and picked up my baby and gathered two others, and we sat on the floor, reading books together.

It was a hard thing, making those choices throughout the day, and it grates on me to admit how hard. But I was, am, beginning to understand how to really "turn time." Not take it back, not make more, but turn it into that which is enough.

Thursday morning I found myself on the couch surrounded by four children reading more books. I looked around, surprised at myself. Was I not normally busy with something else at this time of the morning? But, for the life of me, I could not remember what I was supposed to be doing except exactly that. I looked down and smiled at my son's chubby little knees. Precious.

Every time I deliberately accept the time that I have as enough for what matters, I know I will have an opportunity to see another of God's blessings to me. All the minutiae of living will be attended to in due time. Indeed, as that day went on, I discovered that when I stopped rushing around chasing perfection and slowed down in performing, and enjoying, all the tasks that were really essential, there was plenty of time. Even more than I needed.

126) the whirring sound of air rushing up the central duct and passing through the grate
127) the tent of blankets completely obscuring our dining room table
128) the moment of stillness when an unwell child rests their head upon my chest for comfort
129) the way my daughter's little legs flail when she runs, free and with total abandon
130) the pieces of cereal in my daughter's hands zooming around in overlapping orbit until they collide and crumble
131) the blanket that soothes her hurts when her thumb cannot
132) the adornment of purple, my husband's favorite
133) the decadent taste of rich dark chocolate
134) the old bottle of aftershave, fragrant with memories
135) the fan that circulates the heat throughout the first floor
136) the silky drizzle of honey
137) the drooping, winter-barren limbs of our majestic Weeping Cherry sweeping over the yard
138) the strong scent of citrus as peel is pared from orange flesh
139) the unmatched enthusiasm of boys for a tale of heroics and adventure
140) the distant mountains rising up from the valley
141) the horizon haze where land meets sky
142) the clouds swiftly floating across my field of vision
143) the creamy yellow roses tipped pinky-rouge
144) the last loaf on the day-old bread cart
145) the rainbow, Covenant of Grace visible on earth
146) the beautiful lyrics, like my own heart-song
147) the triumphant child's first potty success
148) the meal appreciated by friends in need
149) the vast improvement in my son's reading ability
150) the deep blue eyes that wept on our wedding day and smiled with silent 'I love yous' every day since